The following is the third in a series of articles from The Reverend Blythe Cody, sharing her thoughts on Women in Leadership in the Anglican Church.
We need to talk about the elephant in the room (sacristy?). And by elephant, I mean the way we women in the church sometimes treat one another. I know about it. You know about it. But no one wants to talk about it.
Over the last several years we have become more comfortable raising the issues of patriarchy and structures and how misogyny has made it hard for women to flourish in the Church. We have said we need to work to change these structures and make the church a better place for all people on the margins. This is good and holy work, work enough to keep the church very busy. But those aren’t the only conversations we need to have and not the only work that needs to be done if we want to make real progress. It’s true that those barriers are real, they can be ugly and painful and downright stubborn to try to work around. But (there is vulnerability in admitting this), even if we somehow eliminated all of them, we would still find ourselves missing the good destination we hope to arrive at: women flourishing in their roles in our churches.
Though it is an uncomfortable statistic, when it comes to women being bullied in the workplace, a large proportion of it is done by other women. I have witnessed and experienced this to be true in my own life.
I have known women to snub, exclude, gossip, and spread some pretty nasty rumours. Instead of using their leadership position to help the women below them, they’ve used it to prey on those they’re intimidated by to keep them from advancing. I have been on the receiving end of some pretty denigrating (though oh so subtle) name calling, often accompanied by being gaslit and isolated. Then finally set up to fail by the significant increase of workload and pressure to complete projects. This from women I had hoped would empathize with me and understand the significant cognitive and caregiving load that most women carry.
In their defense, it has been hard work for most women to reach leadership positions. Some have sacrificed their work-life balance so they can prove that they are committed to their role and to the church. Some have experienced their own share of oppressive and unkind behavior from those in leadership over them. The obstacles have been huge, and the cost has been high. They are arguably victims of a system that requires a certain type of leader- white, male, authoritarian; in a patriarchal system often the biggest threat to a women who has ‘made it’ as a leader is another woman who might take her position. Instead of working with their sisters, they work against them, viewing them as their competition.
So yes, you could make a solid case for the argument that when a woman bullies or belittles another woman a system of patriarchy that demands toxic masculinity is still to blame – women are forced to embody a system that oppresses women in order to reach the top positions in our church. Maybe. Probably. But we are not passive in this process. So what are we going to do about it?
In her powerful 1979 commencement speech at Barnard College, an all-women’s university, author Toni Morrison said the following:
I am alarmed by the violence that women do to one another: professional violence, competitive violence, emotional violence. I am alarmed by the willingness of women to enslave other women. I am alarmed by a growing absence of decency on the killing floor of professional women’s worlds. You are the women who will take your place in the world where you can decide who shall flourish and who shall wither; you will make distinctions between the deserving poor and the undeserving poor; where you can yourself determine which life is expendable and which is indispensable. Since you have the power to do it, you may also be persuaded that you have the right to do it. I am suggesting that we pay as much attention to our nurturing sensibilities as to our ambition. You are moving in the direction of freedom, and the function of freedom is to free somebody else.
It is worth doing the work to become women who empower and uplift other women because there is so much to be hopeful about, and so much transformation to usher in. Here is the beautiful truth: women in leadership bring flourishing to their workplaces. When there are women in leadership there is greater job satisfaction, more meaningful work, a decrease in burnout and better staff engagement and retention.
I have witnessed and experienced this to be true. I have seen women encourage, uplift, mentor, challenge and make sacrifices so that other women can excel. I have felt friendship instead of competition and found nurturing love instead of gossip and name calling. The fruit? So much joy! and a church that is journeying toward flourishing. The church needs women in leadership. Women leaders need other women to support them. So let us commit to tearing down barriers instead of erecting them. Let’s encourage one another and love as Christ loves us.
You are moving in the direction of freedom, and the function of freedom is to free somebody else.
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